More hundred millions for Metro?

I see that Metro, Portland's "unique" (and needless) extra layer of government, will have its hand out for more property tax money from voters in May. This time, the geniuses who brought you the empty Convention Center expansion and the even emptier Convention Center hotel say they need more moolah for the zoo. Nobody wanted the zoo, which used to be a Portland City Hall function, and so Metro was forced to take it. It's one of the all-time money pits.

This time they want another $380 million, which buys a lot of carrots for the elephants, and the big sales pitch is that the money will appear from nowhere, like magic. Your property taxes won't increase. You know this song – it's side 1, cut 1 on their greatest hits album:

Year 1: Vote for this new tax! It's only temporary.

Year 10: Vote for this new tax! The old tax is expiring, and so your bill won't go up.

First it was "for the children." Then it was "for the homeless." Now it's "for the monkeys."

The decision is backed by a majority of public testimony during Thursday's meeting at the zoo, with many supporters providing the council with reasons to invest, including animal well-being, wildlife conservation, education and the zoo’s impact on the region’s economy and culture.

In 2008, a $128 million bond passed by voters transformed 40% of the zoo’s campus, including new habitats for polar bears, elephants, chimpanzees and condors. It also went towards a new veterinary medical center and expanded educational spaces.

“The things that are left to do are just as important,” Metro Councilor Christine Lewis said. “Particularly to being top-of-the-line when it comes to animal health and well-being."

I'll be voting no. Zoos are cruel. And even if you're willing to overlook that fact, those places ought to be paid for by the people who attend them, not by the little old ladies trying to live out their lives at home on fixed incomes. Kids, you want to know why the rents are so high? It's for the monkeys. 

If you enjoy watching dumb beasts, there's a City Council meeting every Wednesday.

Plus, on a bigger scale, we ought to disband Metro, which has outlived its usefulness, or at least have its functions whittled down to next to nothing. Nobody else has a Metro, and for good reason. It's for the birds.

Anyway, on a similar note, I see that two of the leading contenders for Portland mayor are now abandoning plans to float even more property tax increases this time around, for parks and the fire department. Those would have been another $800 million. Don't kid yourself, one of these suddenly frugal nebbishes will be back eventually to tell us how the sky will fall without a lot of new money, but in the meantime they've got their career to advance, and that takes priority.