The cheap stuff

With super-high-end booze on Oregonians' minds these days due to the Bourbongate scandal, there hasn't been any attention paid to the other end of the spectrum: the cheaper stuff. While the miscreants at the liquor board are getting their comeuppance for hoarding the four-figure fifths, maybe it's time to give a shout out to the intoxicants on the bottom shelf.

When I was a high school student and scoring booze on the sneak, cheap was the only way to go. I needed to save some of my pocket money for L&M cigs, after all. I remember a product called Tango, which was vodka and Tang, pre-mixed together in its own hideous bottle. That was our luxury item, probably something like a dollar a pint. When money was tighter, there were the cheap wines, some of which could be scored for 52 cents. There was an apple wine by Boone's Farm, something called Bali Hai, MD/20-20 (a.k.a. "Mad Dog"), Thunderbird, and Ripple (including a "pagan pink" flavor). I tried them all, but stayed away from Night Train. That one was "for the real alkies." 

I remember that Gallo had a wine that actually claimed to be peppermint. It was called Twister. My first incident of over-indulging was on that stuff. It was a miserable experience that I'll never forget.

When I got to college, I moved up in class. In the wine department, I remember swilling a fair amount of Mateus, a cheap rosé from Portugal. I relived those days on my old blog, here, here, and here. It wasn't great, but it was a damn sight better than Twister, that's for sure.

Fifty years on and then some, my intake is way down, and I'm lucky enough to be able to leave that low level of hooch behind. But now and then, I find something not too expensive that's actually quite good. The most common examples are wine, but the hard stuff has some gems in the bargain basement, too.

In particular, let's talk gin. Now, I've been known to savor the herbal delights of Portland's own Aviation, but sometimes you want dry-as-a-bone. One time the guy behind the counter at the Lloyd District liquor store, who looked like he knew about such things, recommended Broker's Gin. It comes with a little plastic bowler hat on the cap, just like the dad in Mary Poppins. It sure is dry, relatively inexpensive, and true to the KISS rule – Keep it simple, stupid – for that no-nonsense martini you're after.

In the same department, I remember one of the older guys I worked with decades ago recommending Boord's Gin. Also on the cheap side, as I recall, and it was perfectly good.

Going back even further, I remember an old college prof of mind recoiling in horror when he saw me toting a bottle of Beefeater's. "Pour that down the drain and go buy some Gordon's," he said. "A good Catholic gin." At least, that's how I remember it. I had heard about the difference between Jameson and Bushmill's when it came to Irish whisky, but who knew there was a similar divide on gin? The troubles, they ran deep in those days.

Anyway, if gin is called for, there's no need to splurge on your guests. Give them Broker's. You can tell them it's something else. Put the savings toward the hors d'oeuvres.