Welcome back, Chief Chuck

Today's the day Portland police chief, Chuck Lovell, is scheduled to return from his two-week vacation.

Welcome back, Chief! Hope you had a relaxing break. You didn't miss anything unusual.  It was a pretty routine couple of weeks around here.

One of the cops freaked out and shot a disturbed guy to death in a park. The p.r. boys managed to fudge the details enough that the public isn't quite sure what happened. There was a toy gun somewhere nearby, but the dead guy apparently didn't wave it around.

It's a good thing we don't have body cams on our cops, eh, Chief?

The victim's family members want the state attorney general to get involved. I wouldn't worry too much about that.

Then the anarchists broke a bunch of stuff up again. Oh, and one guy cold-cocked Oliphant. Sent him right to the pavement. It was all over the Twitter.

We arrested a handful of people, then let them walk. The usual.

But the rioters have found Northwest Portland now. I hope they don't start heading up into those hills over there. There's too much money up that way. We might have to actually try to stop the kids instead of just posting on the internet. Too much work.

On a lighter note, Ted's been declaring states of emergency left and right. I think that guy's got an emergency in his pants, if you know what I mean.

Anyway, like I say, routine stuff. You go on and ease yourself back into another productive week.