Program note for weekend rioters

I was pretty amused last weekend when members of Portland's illustrious City Council denounced the ongoing arson by the anarchist rioters. The condemnation was serious, but the reasoning behind it was hilarious. They should please stop lighting fires because the weather has been unusually dry, and burning things in drought conditions is dangerous. 

Not that it's wrong to commit arson in general. But please don't do it when the weather's been so dry.

"I am pleading with our community to stop lighting fires, whether it’s at a protest or a backyard fire pit."

You can't make this stuff up.

And so you crazies out there who are planning more raging infernos this weekend, if you could please wait until Saturday, when it starts showering, that would be appreciated. Tomorrow night, please find something safer to do, like breaking windows and spray painting A-in-the-Hole on everything. Land Back, End Civ, No More History, ACAB, whatever. But please, no fires until Saturday.

A public service announcement from the Portland City Council. The more you know.